Okay, so my last post about Julep was very “fluffy” but I have a list of topics going that I want to cover. I’ve read all over the place that blogs should have a theme, specific subject matter…blah…Well this is my blog and I get to write whatever I want! So if one day I want to write about pretty nail polish and the next day I post about having a drug addict mom, that’s my prerogative! And I’m not stating this because anyone is complaining. It’s actually pretty quiet here, I don’t really get a lot of feedback on my posts. I’ll get a few encouraging Facebook comments from a couple people that read my blog regularly, and I appreciate that!
Anyway, on to the meat of this post. I want to talk about getting over friendship break-ups. It’s something you don’t hear too much about but the end of a friendship can be just as heartbreaking as the end of a romantic relationship. I unfortunately experienced a few friendship break-ups in a row during 2012 and I still feel the reverberation from that time today.
Friends are great, they are people you connect with, confide in, share secrets with and sometimes you find friends in unexpected places. Some friends are short term. The connection fades and the relationship slowly fizzles over time. Some are long term, you meet as kids and grow up together. Sometimes it’s good and healthy for certain friendships to end and sometimes it’s just a heartbreaking experience.
There were two friendship break-ups that really hit me hard. The first was with someone I’d know since childhood. I think we both knew that we were only friends because of time. We were like sisters, and you don’t just stop being sisters with your sister because of a few personality issues. After having someone in your life for practically your entire life, it’s hard to just let the friendship fade away. There was a moment in time where we didn’t talk. But we got over it, reconnected and the friendship continued into adulthood. The way this friendship ended was sudden and disappointing.
It was over a misunderstanding. After over 15 years of friendship…
She un-friended me on Facebook.
And I knew it was the end of an era. But it still hurt. I was angry. I was sad. I cried. I still have dreams about her… Big milestones in our lives happened and we are not part of each others experiences anymore. Really though, it wasn’t so sudden. There were warning signs that our lives and personalities were no longer compatible. We chose to ignore it and forced ourselves to keep in touch.
The second friendship that really threw me for a loop was with someone I met in college. I quickly bonded with her (maybe too quickly?) and found we had so much in common, similar ambitions and interests. Then one day she gave me the cold shoulder. Wouldn’t return my texts. Wouldn’t LOOK at me. I did something to her, I still to this day as I write this post have NO IDEA what I did to make her turn cold on me. And it hurts. It gave me terrible anxiety. The type of anxiety I hadn’t felt since my first major adult relationship ended. Gorilla on my chest, vise grip on my heart, stomach in knots anxiety. I cried a lot. I questioned and doubted myself. I felt like a shitty horrible person that didn’t deserve to have friends.
There was another person who was part of that experience, someone I bonded with and shared some very personal details with…but she still at least talks to me here and there over social media and gave me a chance to apologize for my blunder. But that friendship is nowhere near the same. I don’t know if we can even say we’re friends. We don’t talk like we used to…we are just friendly towards each other. Friendly in the way I am with other people I went to college with.
So… how did I get over these break-ups?
1. Well, as with all heartbreak time is key. Time heals all wounds. I kept pushing forward with life and slowly, very slowly as time went on I stopped focusing my mind on the pain. I focused on all the many positive things happening in my life. Career. Marriage! My beautiful niece.
2. I strengthened my bonds with current friends. I looked around and saw who my true supporters are. My best friend since middle school who I’ve always had a happy, healthy and honest relationship with. My newer bestie, a person I became friends with unexpectedly that I always know I can count on. My crew of friends from my hometown that have always been in my life and we’ve built up a good, positive history with each other.
I listed two steps, but it’s been a struggle. It’s never easy to heal a broken heart. It’s 2014 and I’m just now really putting this down in words on my blog. These relationships ended in 2012!
Have you ever experienced a friendship break-up? How did you deal?